County jail, forty minutes, through glass, eleven weeks after his plea.
He looked exactly the same, which surprised me more than anything else about that year.
“You came to gloat,” he said.
“No.”
“Then what.”
“I want to ask you one question and then I’ll go, and you can answer it or not.”
He shrugged.
“Three years,” I said.
“Not the money.
I don’t care about the money.
When they read the verdict and my father wasn’t in that courtroom — did you know she’d told him it was a different day?”
Because that is the thing I had not been able to put down.
My father was not at my trial.
For three years I believed he chose not to come.
Royce looked at the table for a while.
“Yeah,” he said.
“She told him it was Thursday.
It was Tuesday.
He sat in the kitchen in a suit all day.”
And that was the whole interview.
I said thank you — I actually said thank you, which I have thought about since — and I stood up and I left, and I sat in my truck in a jail parking lot and cried harder than I have ever cried about anything, because for three years the loneliest fact of my life had been a man who didn’t come, and it turned out he had been in a kitchen in a suit.
My conviction was vacated in the spring.
There is a certificate.
It is one page and it uses the word “vacated” and not the word “innocent,” and Ruth warned me about that eleven times before it arrived and I still sat in my car with it for an hour.
Some things did not come back.
Three years.
That’s the number everybody focuses on and it is not the one that matters to me.
The one that matters is fourteen months.
Fourteen months where my father sat in a chair by a window in room 108 and the sign-in book had one name in it.
I have the book pages.
Ruth subpoenaed them and I have never been able to throw them away.
Some days I do the arithmetic — four hundred and twenty-six days, and on how many of them was he having a good one, and how many of those did I miss — and my therapist has asked me to stop, and I am working on it.
Dad lives with me now.
That is not a triumphant sentence.
It took nine months, a downstairs bathroom I could not afford, and a home health aide named Renata Achebe who is worth more than every lawyer in this story combined.
He knows me about half the time.
On the other half I’m “the young man who does the yard,” which I have decided to find funny, mostly.
There is no version of this where I get him back the way he was.
The house on Ridgemont was sold.